When you face the task of saving a marriage, it might seem daunting.
But it’s easier than you think.
All you need is commitment plus using this one tool.
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My favorite tool for saving a marriage
This tool is deep conversations.
Stephen Covey described them in his book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.
They save a marriage from divorce like a revival spell.
Let me illustrate with one of my best deep conversations ever.
My best deep conversation
I was on a beach with my girlfriend, Anna, in Rimini, Italy.
We went there in fall and the summer season was over.
It was a beautiful sunny day at the sea, with no one else around.
Her head was lying on my lap.
I was caressing her face.
We sat like this and talked for hours.
And our souls connected on a deep level.
Here’s what you can do to save your marriage with deep conversations like this one.
Tip #1: Save your curiosity
With Anna, we hadn’t been seeing much of each other before the trip.
We were curious to learn what was going on with us.
And that’s crucial for deep conversations.
Imagine that I start my day with 100% curiosity.
But as I engage with social media and talk to people during the day, my curiosity goes from 100 to zero.
And when I have dinner with my partner, I’ve already satisfied my curiosity.
No, that’s not what I want.
Instead, I save my curiosity during the day so that I can satisfy it by talking to my partner in the evening.
Tip #2: Listen as if your life depended on it
Learning to listen has a therapeutic effect on relationships.
With Anna, I kept my mouth shut.
She had a chance to say everything she wanted to say, without me interrupting her.
And every time she stopped speaking, I didn’t rush to speak myself.
This moment of silence invited her to dig deeper and find even more to say on the topic.
She felt so heard out.
Tip #3: Ask quality questions
The quality of my conversation with Anna also stemmed from the quality of my questions.
I chose open-ended questions over closed-ended ones.
She goes, “I was so tired.”
I can say “Really?” or “Why?”
Open-ended questions like “Why?” did not allow a one-liner answer such as “Yes” or “No.”
They showed that I was interested.
And they invited her to share more.
Tip #4: Enhance the process
Anna’s head was lying on my lap and I was caressing her face softly.
It made the conversation more pleasant for both of us.
When we combine a conversation with something that our spouse loves, they open up on a deeper level.
This could be giving a massage or taking a walk.
Then, they associate pleasure with talking to us, which makes them more eager to talk to us next time.
Tip #5: Take notes
I love taking notes in conversations.
I wish I could do that with Anna but we were on a beach.
So I just took mental notes.
I would say, “Oh, I need to remember this and get back to it later.”
Taking notes communicates 100% attention and respect.
I carry a notepad with me all the time.
I don’t do it on the phone because it might look like I’m just checking the phone.
Saving your marriage with ritualistic conversations
Use these 5 tips to hold deep conversations.
And make them ritualistic.
One of the best times to have them is during meals, especially dinner.
You will turn your marriage around.
I believe in you.
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If you need help saving your marriage, check out my relationship coaching services.
Rely on my services to rebuild trust in your family.
I’ll fight for your marriage, I’m not a home-wrecker.
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