Let me show what a relationship coach in Toronto can do for your relationship.
I’ll use an example of John and Denise who came for marriage counseling.
They couldn’t overcome resentment that’s been building up for years.
And they were on the verge of divorce.
But luckily, they gave their relationship one final chance.
What they presented with
John and Denise came to a relationship coach in Toronto as a struggling couple.
After 16 years together, they accumulated a lot of resentment and didn’t trust each other.
They forgot how to love each other.
It was so bad that even their kids slept over at their friends’ often.
They wanted to escape the negative atmosphere at home.
The couple’s challenges
The relationship coach uncovered these challenges in John and Denise’s relationship:
Challenge 1: Stonewalling
Their key problem was shutting down communication.
Even when they made love, they would do it in silence.
Denise gave John the silent treatment because of anger.
She had unpleasant sexual experiences in her childhood and developed anger as a protection mechanism.
But now it was overdeveloped and didn’t allow her to appreciate her husband.
And John shut down because he felt like a failure in the relationship.
That’s what men do when they fail to make their woman happy.
John would stop communication and bury himself in work.
Challenge 2: Lack of trust
The couple depleted their emotional bank accounts with each other.
Here’s a definition of this metaphor:
The amount of trust that’s been built up in a relationship.
Denise blamed John for this:
- John was controlling: he told her what to do, how to be, what to wear.
- He got credit cards without letting her know.
- He was supposedly a bad example for their boys. She was afraid they would be like him.
And John blamed Denise for this:
- Being uncooperative.
- Failing to open to his love.
- Not letting him feel like a man in the relationship.
Challenge 3: Feminine and masculine energy
Denise’s anger didn’t allow her to connect to her feminine side.
The relationship coach saw that untapped feminine energy in her.
She needed to rechannel that energy positively and open up her feminine side.
John had a problem with masculine energy as well.
A man’s job is to be calm and measured at all times.
But John snapped at his wife often and was too controlling.
Tool 1: John learns to be more present
To rebuild trust, the relationship coach started by teaching John to be 100% present to Denise.
Here’s how Tony Robbins defines “presence”:
Presence is 100% connection and empathy to what the other person is feeling right now.
That’s what women want most in a man.
Most men fail to give them that, though.
Instead of listening with empathy, they do this:
- Listen half-heartedly, doing someone else at the same time; or
- Interrupt and offer solutions to women’s “problems.”
But women usually don’t want solutions.
They make a big deal of a small thing and just want to be heard.
So John did an exercise that made him understand how to be fully present.
With that new skill, John was ready to take on a “storm” from his wife.
Tool 2: Facing a “storm”
Next, the relationship coach asked Denise to tell John everything she didn’t like about him.
John’s task was to:
- Stay 100 % present.
- Take everything calmly.
Denise became emotional and told things that were both just and unjust.
The feminine energy is about creating these kinds of “storms” all the time.
It’s a test of strength that a woman puts her man to.
She wants him to be her rock.
The masculine energy is about staying calm in the face of these “storms.”
The man must send positive energy back to the woman no matter how much negativity she gives him.
This exercise helped the couple achieve these goals:
- The relationship coach conditioned John to take “storms” as a man.
- Denise was able to tell him everything she didn’t like and felt heard.
Now the couple knew what their problems were.
The question was: “What would they do about them?”.
Tool 3: Learning to love unconditionally
Finally, the coach explained the three levels of relationships to the couple:
- Each partner puts his needs first.
- Partners trade: I’ll love you as long as you do this and this for me.
- Partners love each other unconditionally.
Denise and John were at the first level.
But now they had the skills to go to the third level.
Complaints or requests?
At this point, the coach taught them a reframe for handling challenges in a relationship.
When your partner says something to you, you can perceive it as a complaint or request:
- Complaint. Your first reaction is to see it as a complaint and get defensive instead. But if you do so, you lose the opportunity to fulfill your partner’s need and build trust.
- Request. It’s important to see it as a request to fulfill your partner’s needs at a higher level.
John and Denise began to fulfill each other’s needs
Now the couple saw each other’s needs as requests rather than complaints.
John could fulfill Denise’s needs and make her light up.
And he would feel love by giving it and feel proud and significant.
Denise could now also do the same for John.
Benefits of working with a relationship coach in Toronto
Here are the results that the couple got from working with their relationship coach:
- Fun, passionate sex, thanks to bringing passion back into the relationship.
- A lot of smiles as they light each other up by fulfilling their needs.
- A happier home where other kids want to come for a sleepover.
- Divorce is a thing of the past.
How to prevent divorce
For more tips on turning a failing marriage, check out my podcast episode #27:
Make your marriage a beautiful love story with coaching
If you need help with, try out my relationship coaching services for free.
With a little bit of coaching, any relationship can be the finest love story.
The question is: “Will it be yours?”
Here’s a link for you to contact me.