Porn Sex vs Real Sex: What’s the Difference?

In this post, I am going to show the differences between porn sex and real sex.

Seeing those differences helped me break free from porn addiction in 2014.

And it also helps me coach others to do the same.

I am Coach Roman Mironov.

I made it my job to help people beat porn for good.

And if you feel pornography is holding you back in life, this video is just for you.

Keep watching.

Companion video

If you prefer watching to reading, check out the companion video:

My story
Difference 1: Porn is fake sex on many levels
Difference 2: Porn is designed mostly for men
Difference 3: Little or no foreplay
Difference 4: Fake women orgasms
Difference 5: No multiple orgasms
Difference 6: Exaggerated everything
Difference 7: Weird stuff for overstimulation
Difference 8: Too much newness
Difference 9: Porn sex is effortless
Difference 10: Actors can go on forever
Difference 11: Men are godlike in porn
Difference 12: Porn models look too good
Difference 13: Feeling depressed vs happy
Difference 14: Feelings: Superficial vs deep
Realization 1: Porn creates expectations of overstimulation
Realization 2: Porn sex is fake sex
Realization 3: Truth

My story

January, 2006.

I am living with my girlfriend.

She is sleeping in the next room.

And here I am in the other room, watching porn and masturbating.

I ejaculate and feel terrible immediately.

I ask myself.

“What am I doing?”

“Why am I disrespecting the person I love most?”

“And for what?”

For this fake sex.

Porn Sex vs Real Sex What's The Difference - boring vs exciting sex

Yes, after 2 years together, our sex is not that exciting.

But I know that it can be much more genuine and loving than this fake sex.

It used to be that way.

And I can re-create those emotions instead of using fake sex to compensate.

That realization changed my relationship with porn.

That’s why I want to share it with you today.

Porn is fake sex on many levels

Pornography is a performance skillfully engineered to create quick arousal and eventually addiction.

As you watch it, mirror neurons in your brain trigger, giving you a surrogate of arousal and release.

Porn Sex vs Real Sex What's The Difference - porn is a surrogate

But that really is a surrogate — it’s like taking a bite of cardboard while expecting a delicious banana.

Realizing that is a key step to breaking free from porn.

To help you with that awareness, let’s look at many ways porn sex is different from real sex.

And you’ll learn 3 realizations to break the vicious cycle of pornography use.

Without further ado, let’s dive into these differences.

Porn Sex vs Real Sex What's The Difference - break porn

Porn is designed mostly for men

Men like the visual component in sex a lot.

But for women, sex is more about romance and connection than visual stimulation.

And it’s difficult to find porn actors who are able to portray romance well.

So porn sex focuses on men by creating a perfect picture.

And women?

They watch romantic comedies.

And then—when it comes to real sex—there’s a huge disconnect between expectations.

With that said, here’s our next difference.

Little or no foreplay

Both men and women in porn appear ready to go immediately.

Just like that.

See, us men we don’t need much foreplay.

We get aroused, get hard, and we’re ready to go very quickly.

And we actually think foreplay is kind of a boring chore.

So… porn cleverly shows little or no foreplay, jumping right into the action.

Porn Sex vs Real Sex What's The Difference - foreplay is important

But with real sex, the quality and duration of foreplay make a huge difference.

Girls need more time to warm up and build up sexual tension.

Moving along to the next difference.

Fake women orgasms

Porn is notorious for faking women’s orgasms.

Look, I don’t know the official statistics.

But I would imagine they do it 90%  of the time.

See, it takes way more for a girl to climax than for a man.

For us guys, a couple of minutes of stimulation is enough.

But a girl needs to feel relaxed and nurtured.

And quite often, the entire process with its deep intimacy is more important than climaxing.

Now let’s take a look at the next difference.

No multiple orgasms

On the opposite, what many women like is multiple orgasms.

But porn rarely shows that because that’s kind of boring for us men to watch.

Porn Sex vs Real Sex What's The Difference - multiple orgasms in sex is boring

So you end up believing that one orgasm is good enough for a girl — just like for you.

Again, a man’s version of a woman’s orgasm.

Moving along to the next difference.

Exaggerated everything

Pornography is all about exaggeration because it has to compensate for the lack of feelings.

So it cranks up the intensity.

✔Ridiculous poses

Porn shows you the best angles that — to be honest — are not conducive to humans having sex.

✔Exaggerated screams

Models keep screaming as if their salary depended on that.

Because it does.

✔Outrageous places

Can you think of the most unusual place for humans to have sex?

You name it.

Porn has it.

✔Too much lighting

They also highlight the scene to show the smallest detail.

Even anatomical!

But most—and best—sex happens at night really.

Now here’s the next difference.

Weird stuff for overstimulation

Most girls don’t like weird acts shown in porn.

Take group sex, for example.

And frankly, many men aren’t interested in them either.

I mean: group sex with your girl?

Come on!

Porn shows it just to increase the intensity and overstimulate you.

With that said, let’s look at yet another difference.

Too much newness

Newness is good for sex because it boosts your testosterone, increasing your libido.

Porn knows that and gives you infinite newness.

I used to expect it from my partners in real sex.

And they would always grow resentful.

What I realized later is that craving newness is selfish and superficial.

When I focus on depth, intimacy, and really celebrating my partner, I don’t need the porn kind of superficial newness.

The type of infinite love I feel is the source of real, infinite newness.

And now the next difference.

Porn sex is effortless

Porn sex is so easy to do.

Just tap a few buttons.

You still have to jerk off yourself, though.

On the opposite, real sex is hard work.

It might sound uninspiring, but this is actually a huge part of the pleasure that you get from sex as a man.

When you give 5 orgasms to your girl, you feel tired but extremely accomplished.

And the next difference is…

Actors can go on forever

Porn actors seem tireless because they can stop the camera rolling and get some rest.

That’s not true for real sex.

Average intercourse lasts 5 to 10 minutes.

This is not a reason to beat yourself up.

Here is the next difference.

Men are godlike in porn

You watch porn and compare yourself to actors.

They are handsome, tall, muscular… unless you are into some weird stuff.

And they also have long penises.

Look, they get hired for these things!!!

Your self-esteem takes a hit because you aren’t up to par.

The good news is that you don’t need a big penis or a huge chest to have great sex.

Actually, a girl has to like you BEFORE sex so she doesn’t know your size.

What’s the next difference?

Here you go.

Porn models look too good

This visual exaggeration is also true of female actors.

Fake tits

Aggressive makeup

Jewelry

Lingerie

High heels

Porn Sex vs Real Sex What's The Difference - visual exaggeration in porn

I used to be crazy about high heels—they do look sexy, right?

So porn models have sex wearing them.

But this rarely happens in real sex because they are uncomfortable even for walking.

Let alone having fun in bed.

With that said, let’s look at the next difference.

Feeling depressed vs happy

Watching porn sex always made me feel bad.

I would then feel guilty, moody, and depressed.

And I tried to escape that depression with more porn.

Porn Sex vs Real Sex What's The Difference - vicious cycle of porn watching

Welcome to a vicious cycle.

Real sex is the direct opposite of that.

You produce the love hormone oxytocin and the relaxation hormone prolactin.

And you also feel accomplished by giving love to your partner.

Now let’s look at the final difference.

Feelings: Superficial vs deep

Porn sex gives you a sense of connection through visual stimulation.

Your mirror neurons make you believe you are part of the action.

But the truth is you are only looking at pixels on the screen.

Porn Sex vs Real Sex What's The Difference - porn's shallow sense of connection

It’s a very shallow sense of connection.

Real sex is about depth.

Deep, long-lasting, spiritual connection.

Deep appreciation of your partner.

Now finally moving along to the solution to porn-watching.

Realization 1: Porn creates expectations of overstimulation

I want you to make three realizations after watching this video.

First, porn sex teaches your brain that this is what real sex is supposed to look like.

You expect the same level of overstimulation.

That’s why real sex seems so boring that you need ever more overstimulation.

Think of ice cream vs broccoli.

Porn Sex vs Real Sex What's The Difference - overstimulation by porn

After you eat 5 ice cream bars, you don’t want broccoli because your taste buds are overstimulated.

Here is the second realization.

Realization 2: Porn sex is fake sex

Realize that porn sex is fake.

From visuals to the feeling of connection and comfort it gives you.

Real sex is a shared experience of joy and pleasure whereas porn is a performance.

Oftentimes, actors don’t enjoy the process.

It’s their job that helps them pay the bills.

You don’t want to be fake like them.

With that said, here’s the final realization.

Realization 3: Truth

You want the Truth—with a capital letter T.

Real sex is the Truth while porn is avoidance of the Truth.

Overstimulation is about ego, selfishness, and escape from reality.

The Truth is about love, depth, and selflessness.

Consciousness.

Wean yourself off those overstimulating images.

Focus on the real thing.

Focus on giving love rather than pleasing yourself.

This will magnify your sexual experiences 10-fold.

Ditch porn sex — real sex is the way to go

You are a hero.

But you are in the shadow of porn.

Step out of it — join me on the bright side. 🌞

Stop porn-watching 🛑

Now that you know how deceiving porn sex is, quitting will be easier.

Be a 🦸

A hero right here ❤️

And now I want to turn it over to you.

Which difference between real sex and porn strikes you most?

Is it overstimulation or fake orgasms or maybe something else?

Anyway, let me know by leaving a comment below right now.

SPEAK YOUR MIND:

2 Comments

  1. Mr. Groovy

    The insight that you have put into this topic has given me inspiration to ditch porn for good. Thanks a million Roman!!!!!!

    • Roman Mironov

      Thank you! Helping people like you motivates me a lot 💪