Never Chase a Woman? (I Didn’t… and Lost Her)

“Never chase a woman.”

Great for attracting her initially.

But once you’re dating or in a relationship, it can actually harm you.

In this article and the companion video, I explain why this “Never chase a woman” principle isn’t black and white.

I start with a personal story and then move to practical tips.

Let’s get started.

Companion video

If you prefer watching to reading, here’s my story as a video:

Part 1: My Story of Being Too Indifferent

Chasing like a rabid dog is bad.

But so is being too indifferent.

Let me illustrate this with a personal story.

Stage 1: Let her come to you initially

I met this girl at a club, chatted her up, and we exchanged numbers.

The next day, Anna texted me first.

She chased me and I didn’t need to chase her at all.

That’s how I attracted her:

  1. She felt safe knowing I wasn’t a stalker. “There’s no risk for me.”
  2. Her interest went up because I was mysterious. “Why doesn’t he blow up my phone like all those other dudes?”
  3. My patience communicated strength rather than neediness. “He doesn’t need me and that’s so sexy!”

Morgan Freeman said:

Don’t chase women.

They’ll chase you.

If you see a lady and you don’t go drooling all over her, she’s gonna wonder why.

Initially, being indifferent helped me attract Anna.

Morgan Freeman: Don't chase women

But soon, it stopped working.

Stage 2: Open up while dating

As we dated, I kept playing hard to get instead of opening up slowly.

It’s not that I now had permission to blow up her phone.

But I had to get involved in the relationship emotionally:

  1. Macho man all the time ➡️ I can be vulnerable sometimes.
  2. Options with women ➡️ I have other options but I choose her over them.
  3. Other priorities ➡️ Although she’s not my number one priority, she is becoming more important.

And what did I actually do?

I overdid the “Never chase a woman” principle.

I was a cold fish and had a hard time bonding.

guy playing hard to get with girl

Stage 3: “Chase” gently as a leader in a relationship

Still, we dated for two months and became a couple officially.

And that’s when I did the most stupid thing.

We were on a trip to Rome and stood in a line to visit St. Peter’s Basilica in the Vatican.

I found a shortcut but she didn’t follow me.

And I left without her.

We lost sight of each other and spent the rest of the day apart.

I was way too indifferent.

I thought, if you don’t want to go with me, that’s fine, I don’t care and won’t persuade you.

But I should’ve discussed the matter with her and worked out a solution together.

As a leader in a relationship, I need to do that gentle “chasing”.

Communicate instead of saying, “I’m a macho man. I am leaving.”

Another common situation is when your woman shuts down and you need to “chase” to open her up.

That’s a barrier that she puts up to test you.

If you ask, “What is it?” just once and then give up, you’ll fail the test.

She’ll think you don’t care or aren’t strong enough.

guy ignoring his girlfriend
Part 2: Practical Tips

I sat down with a relationship coach Genie Goodwin to discuss our best tips for chasing women.

Follow these tips to get better at meeting women, dating, and relationships.

Companion audio

If you prefer listening to reading, here’s a podcast episode with Genie Goodwin:

Tip 1: Find a sweet spot between chasing and protecting

Testosterone drives men to chase women. They are hunters by nature. So chasing is not a bad thing in it itself.

It becomes a problem, though, when a man overdoes it, scaring a woman and making her go into a self-protection mode.

And women are easily scared, believe me!

What’s the solution?

Be a hunter and a protector at the same time.

Have a vibe about you showing that you want to protect everyone around you.

Here’s an example from a Tony Robbins conference where Genie went a few years ago.

  1. Tony asked a man to get up on stage and ask the women in the audience out on a date. 98% of the women said, “No.”
  2. Next, Tony whispered something in the man’s ear and asked him to do it again. The man said the exact same words but this time, he came from a place of masculinity, strength, and confidence. To that 98% of women responded with “Yes.”

What had Tony told the man? He had told him to come from the vibe of “I’m hunting but I’ll also protect you against anything that might hurt you.”

So yeah, don’t approach this “Never chase a woman” principle as black or white. Hit a sweet spot between being aggressive (chasing) and gentle (being protective).

man protective of a woman

Tip 2: Let yourself be vulnerable

It’s important to be vulnerable and authentic as a man.

If you play games as I did with Anna, you might get lost in them and won’t feel any connection to a woman.

And your woman will also sense that you’re fake. Women are very good at reading you.

So the more vulnerable you can be in a relationship, the deeper is the level of intimacy and connection.

I know it takes courage to be authentic and open up, though.

To be clear: vulnerability doesn’t mean you’re a loser. It means you feel confident to express your emotions, without worrying what the woman will think about them.

That’s what Genie says about opening up:

When my husband hasn’t talked to me all day and then wants to have sex, I don’t like that. I feel I’m being used for my body. Women use conversation to create the emotional intimacy that will lead to sex.

See? If you open up to your woman, you’ll enjoy a deeper connection and better sex!

man lying in bed with a woman

Tip 3: Do this if she doesn’t respond

Normally, you send a text or call a woman a couple of days after meeting her.

If she doesn’t respond, wait one day and text something funny and filled with confidence:

You missed out on me yesterday, baby. You and I had a really great connection. And I was really looking forward to it.

The funnier you can make it, the better. Humor takes off the pressure in a relationship.

And then don’t ask her anything but let her respond instead. That’s how you come from a masculine place.

If she still doesn’t get back to you, you might want to do it the third time a couple of days or even a week later.

I really enjoy your X. I’m really looking forward to Y.

That might her feel special and finally respond to you.

girl receives a text message on her phone

Tip 4: Don’t buy her love with gifts

Don’t lavish a woman with gifts or free help if she’s not attracted to you initially.

These things only provide comfort, creating a brother-sister vibe but not passion.

See, these things themselves are not a problem at all. But using them as a replacement for your testosterone-driven vibe is.

man holding a gift

Tip 5: Pass your woman’s tests like a pro

Women make things a little bit difficult for men at the beginning of dating.

Because she’s weaker, she’s going to test you to see if your strength will always be there when she needs it.

For example, when you two just met, you need to chase a little bit more:

  • Call or text her first
  • Initiate a few first dates
  • Be calm when she cancels a date

And to be honest: these tests never stop. They do become less frequent or intense, though, as your woman starts to feel safer around you.

One common test later in a relationship is this:

She has something on her mind but she just won’t tell you. Again, this is when healthy chasing is a good thing. You want to set a timer for three hours and keep asking her:

  • Honey, what’s on your mind?
  • Honey, something’s bothering you? I’m not going to allow that to happen.
  • Honey, what do you need to get off your chest?

And you don’t stop until she opens up. And then make sure not to make her feelings wrong. Listen instead of “fixing” her.

pass your woman's tests

Tip 6: Feel okay when she doesn’t respond

When a woman ignores or flakes on you, it’s easy to get upset. You might have thoughts like these:

  • I’m a loser
  • Will I ever find someone?
  • She’s a hottie and I’m not good enough for her

Focusing on such things makes you feel less masculine and destroys your confidence. When you feel that way, you can’t deliver your good to the world as a man.

Instead, ask yourself:

  • Is that thought serving me?
  • Does it really have anything to do with the woman?
  • Is it her or me who is in charge of my thoughts?

And then create a new focus:

  • How do I want to respond to this situation?
  • What do I really want in a woman in general?
  • What kind of good qualities do I want to display to a woman?
  • What do I want to receive from her?

This will shift you back to the testosterone-fueled mindset. It’ll make you unstoppable and pumped to meet another woman.

thoughtful man

Tip 7: Experiment with NoFap

I don’t chase women. I do my thing as a guy. I initiate contact, build attraction, and set a date.

I see my woman as an addition to my life. A life that is already full.

She is not my focus. My focus is my life purpose.

Having my focus outside of her makes me detached from my girl. And she wants that even though she will never admit that.

My detachment makes her chase me. And women love to chase.

NoFap is part of my strategy. Knowing that I don’t need porn or masturbation gives me confidence. It gives me high-vibration energy.

Developing myself as a man pushes me to work on my life purpose. That’s how my woman gets attracted to me even more.

You don’t need to chase women either. What you need to do is this:
1️⃣ NoFap in moderation
2️⃣ Get social to find a girlfriend
3️⃣ Discover your life purpose

Tip 8: Don’t chase her—she’s like a cat who wants to chase

Want to be successful with women ❓You have to understand this dynamic: men are like dogs and women are like cats.

What does a dog do ❓It is always there for you. You come home and it greets you. It loves you with all its heart.

Cats are different. You come home and your cat doesn’t come to you. It comes to you only when it feels like it.

Similarly, men need to give time and space for women to come to them. Women need that to develop their feelings while dating initially. And when in a committed relationship, they need time and space to miss men.

Likewise, you don’t chase her but let her come to you. Patience is key because you are super excited and want to see her right now. If you act on that impulse, you’ll be likely chasing. Be patient instead.

Think of yourself as a general who wins a war with a wise strategy. You don’t want to chase her. You want to be strategic about growing your relationship step by step. Going from step 1 to step 10 in a day will likely be disastrous.

Tip 9: Dont CHAse her, CHAnge you

My wife divorced me in 2014. I tried to chase her.

It didn’t work. CHAsing is neediness. Chasing is desperation.

Women don’t appreciate that. They think you are creepy and unattractive.

They prefer a CHAllenge. There are like a cat catching the laser light. As soon as the laser stops, the cat loses interest.

When I understood this, I CHAnged myself instead.

I turned my neediness into being not too available. I became better with women in general and had more options which made me not needy.

I turned my desperation into NoFaPlayfullness. I consciously up my internal state all the time by moving, smiling, making jokes, and being absurd.

With these two changes, I was able to find a girlfriend.


Should I never chase women ❓

Never chase women. Just don’t. They will get scared and you’ll end up arrested.


But seriously, chasing women doesn’t work too well.

Men are hunters who are designed to chase success. This works great in business where the more time and money you invest, the more results you have. But with dating and relationships, it’s counter-intuitive.

If you chase a girl in the beginning, she will get scared. She isn’t ready to invest in you at this point. And she expects the same of you. If you chase, she will often think you are a creep or a rapist.

Now, does it mean that you should never chase women ❓No, at some point, she will start expecting you to chase her. And chasing here means just being invested in the relationship. It’s not like you need to pursue her as if she were the last girl on Earth. That’d be the definition of neediness which is unattractive.

When it comes to chasing, a good rule of thumb is to mirror her level of investment. When she chases you, chase her back. 🙂

I know how difficult it is to be patient when dating. But you can try chasing and see for yourself that it doesn’t work.

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Do you lack the confidence to approach women?

Or maybe you meet women but then blow up your chances by chasing them too much?

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  • Find a woman that you always wanted to have
  • Make her feel like you are the best thing that ever happened to her
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If you want these kinds of results fast, contact me for a no-fee relationship breakthrough session.


6 thoughts on “Never Chase a Woman? (I Didn’t… and Lost Her)”

  1. Ok so I meet this girl and we haven’t meet in real life yet but she lives only 20 mins away from me but I don’t have a car. So I can’t see her, keep in mind I’m 17. So we talked for 1 month the after talking for a month we started “dating” for 1.5 month then after we decided we need to get to know each other properly and to be friends and go back to t he talking stage. So now I wanna know how can I build a emotional connection with her without being to pushy and chasing her so much with still keeping her interested and wanting to date me again.

    1. A quick advice (which I hate to give, by the way because I don’t have enough information) is to step back and stop talking to her as a friend. This will only get you into a friend zone.

      Tell her that you don’t want to be “just a friend.” Say you want more and if she changes her mind and wants to go on a date, she should let you know. And then go no contact and wait for her to contact you.

      Let me know how it goes.

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