Selfishness vs selflessness

Welcome to this new day, hero!

You are so far into the journey!

And I am sure you are already seeing some of the benefits

One is developing awareness about how your brain tricks you

Looking deep into yourself

If you really look deep into yourself, you’ll notice two components to your psyche

One is your monkey mind or ego

This is where your thoughts come from

And all kinds of expectations or judgments

And the second component is your higher self

It’s an objective observer

That just soaks in perceptions without judging them

And it’s the ego that is the source of most problems in our life

Instead of focusing on experiencing the wealth of your perceptions

It wants to focus on all the things that are wrong with your life

And on the one hand, it’s good

It’s a protection mechanism that evolution has honed to protect you from dangers

But at the same time… it’s overprotective

This is not good

Every time you feel bored, unhappy, or lonely it goes into a panic mode

And wants to escape those “unpleasant” feelings with a quick fix such as sugar or porn

Now, what’s important is that ego is highly trainable

It’s like a big elephant — strong but in need of guidance and leadership

Your higher self can be a rider who domesticates the elephant to make it a powerful ally

You have to train it for that

Some things that you are already using for that are the negative consequence and rewards

NCs for watching porn

And rewards for being a hero

And now we are going to expand that strategy

First, I want you to make one distinction

The elephant—ego—is about selfishness

Always in the head

Me, me, me

Getting out of your head and thinking about other people

That higher self is way above urges to watch porn

And here’s the kicker

It can watch the ego with amusement – amused observation

Without succumbing to the urges, even though they are powerful

That’s how the rider is capable of running the elephant

Instead of letting the elephant run it

Let me give you an example of my own selfishness

I used to watch a lot of porn even when I was married in my twenties

That was quite selfish in itself

And I kept getting more selfish, forcing my favorite porn scripts upon my wife

Like anal sex or other things I am embarrassed about now

I’d try to make her act out that kind of a script

And she didn’t want to!


I was sending a message that she wasn’t good enough for me

She had to be someone else to get me aroused

Now I know that was a huge mistake due to my selfishness

Now — as I look forward to building my new family — I know that it is my job to accept my girlfriend and future wife exactly as she is

Love her unconditionally

Celebrate her in and outside of the bed and put her pleasure first

That is selflessness

In fact, now because I’m PMO-free, I enjoy sex more

I want to have it more often

And my girlfriend appreciates that

This is service to her

Do you see this distinction?

Porn is always about selfishness and making your ego stronger

It is anti-spiritual

We do what our ego tells us to and our ego grows

And becoming selfless and more spiritual is the way to combat it

Here are some practical tips to do that

The first one is meditation

When you meditate, you silence your ego

And are able to live more from your higher self

Replacing selfishness with selflessness

That’s when urges subside

An added benefit is teaching your brain to stay focused

See, porn is a disease of distraction

If you meditate for 20 minutes in the morning, you create a calm place in your psyche where you can always return during the day

Begin with centering practice:

Close your eyes

Count from five to one

Relax your belly

Open your eyes

And see what happened to your monkey mind

It’s gone

This is you as opposed to the monkey mind

When selfishness surfaces up – urges – you remember that place and go to it

The second tip is to give love instead of looking for it desperately

Look, we all crave love

And porn is a surrogate of love

That’s a big reason why we get addicted to it quickly

But porn never comes close to real love, especially your first love

What porn gives you is mainly some basic feeling of connection to other human beings

But it’s mechanical

There’s no real, deep emotion

Porn is about selfishness and fear of not being loved

And it only causes PAIN, in the end, no matter how much pleasure it promises at the start

Real love is about giving = selflessness

You feel real love when you give love unconditionally

If you want PLEASURE, go for selflessness and real love

Even if you don’t have a girlfriend or wife to give love to

You have other people around you

Your family and friends

Give “love” to them in the form of attention, praise, help, and physical proximity

Go selfless

The more selfless you are the better you are at shutting down your ego

And the easier it is to resist urges

Now feel into your body and heart as you disconnect from the head

This is where your hero is

A hero right here!

You are an inspiration to me

I will stay inspired today and see you tomorrow