Welcome to this new day, hero!
You are so far into the journey!
And I am sure you are already seeing some of the benefits
One is developing awareness about how your brain tricks you
Looking deep into yourself
If you really look deep into yourself, you’ll notice two components to your psyche
One is your monkey mind or ego
This is where your thoughts come from
And all kinds of expectations or judgments
And the second component is your higher self
It’s an objective observer
That just soaks in perceptions without judging them
And it’s the ego that is the source of most problems in our life
Instead of focusing on experiencing the wealth of your perceptions
It wants to focus on all the things that are wrong with your life
And on the one hand, it’s good
It’s a protection mechanism that evolution has honed to protect you from dangers
But at the same time… it’s overprotective
This is not good
Every time you feel bored, unhappy, or lonely it goes into a panic mode
And wants to escape those “unpleasant” feelings with a quick fix such as sugar or porn
Now, what’s important is that ego is highly trainable
It’s like a big elephant — strong but in need of guidance and leadership
Your higher self can be a rider who domesticates the elephant to make it a powerful ally
You have to train it for that
Some things that you are already using for that are the negative consequence and rewards
NCs for watching porn
And rewards for being a hero
And now we are going to expand that strategy
First, I want you to make one distinction
The elephant—ego—is about selfishness
Always in the head
Me, me, me
Getting out of your head and thinking about other people
That higher self is way above urges to watch porn
And here’s the kicker
It can watch the ego with amusement – amused observation
Without succumbing to the urges, even though they are powerful
That’s how the rider is capable of running the elephant
Instead of letting the elephant run it
Let me give you an example of my own selfishness
I used to watch a lot of porn even when I was married in my twenties
That was quite selfish in itself
And I kept getting more selfish, forcing my favorite porn scripts upon my wife
Like anal sex or other things I am embarrassed about now
I’d try to make her act out that kind of a script
And she didn’t want to!
Thankfully
I was sending a message that she wasn’t good enough for me
She had to be someone else to get me aroused
Now I know that was a huge mistake due to my selfishness
Now — as I look forward to building my new family — I know that it is my job to accept my girlfriend and future wife exactly as she is
Love her unconditionally
Celebrate her in and outside of the bed and put her pleasure first
That is selflessness
In fact, now because I’m PMO-free, I enjoy sex more
I want to have it more often
And my girlfriend appreciates that
This is service to her
Do you see this distinction?
Porn is always about selfishness and making your ego stronger
It is anti-spiritual
We do what our ego tells us to and our ego grows
And becoming selfless and more spiritual is the way to combat it
Here are some practical tips to do that
The first one is meditation
When you meditate, you silence your ego
And are able to live more from your higher self
Replacing selfishness with selflessness
That’s when urges subside
An added benefit is teaching your brain to stay focused
See, porn is a disease of distraction
If you meditate for 20 minutes in the morning, you create a calm place in your psyche where you can always return during the day
Begin with centering practice:
Close your eyes
Count from five to one
Relax your belly
Open your eyes
And see what happened to your monkey mind
It’s gone
This is you as opposed to the monkey mind
When selfishness surfaces up – urges – you remember that place and go to it
The second tip is to give love instead of looking for it desperately
Look, we all crave love
And porn is a surrogate of love
That’s a big reason why we get addicted to it quickly
But porn never comes close to real love, especially your first love
What porn gives you is mainly some basic feeling of connection to other human beings
But it’s mechanical
There’s no real, deep emotion
Porn is about selfishness and fear of not being loved
And it only causes PAIN, in the end, no matter how much pleasure it promises at the start
Real love is about giving = selflessness
You feel real love when you give love unconditionally
If you want PLEASURE, go for selflessness and real love
Even if you don’t have a girlfriend or wife to give love to
You have other people around you
Your family and friends
Give “love” to them in the form of attention, praise, help, and physical proximity
Go selfless
The more selfless you are the better you are at shutting down your ego
And the easier it is to resist urges
Now feel into your body and heart as you disconnect from the head
This is where your hero is
A hero right here!
You are an inspiration to me
I will stay inspired today and see you tomorrow