Here’s how to resolve conflict in a relationship.
Are you tired of conflicts with your romantic partner?
The truth is they’ll likely get worse if you keep ignoring them.
And your partner might leave you.
But with these 2 simple steps, you can resolve conflicts in the relationship and make both of you happy.
Watch the companion video if you don’t want to read:
Today, I’ll share a method that helps me resolve conflicts as a relationship coach in Toronto.
As my example, I’ll use a struggling couple from a novel by Stephen King Cujo.
No spoilers, I promise!
Vic and Donna are a married couple with a four-year-old son.
Donna is a stay-at-home mom while Vic is busy running his struggling advertising agency.
As humans, we have 6 basic needs.
Comfort, variety, love, and significance are survival needs.
Growth and contribution are higher-level, fulfillment needs.
To solve relationship problems without breaking up, partners must fulfill each other’s needs at a high level.
Vic fulfilled Donna’s need for comfort because he was making money.
But he didn’t fulfill her need for love.
He was buried in work and hardly paid attention to her.
Vic also failed to fulfill her need for variety.
Her days were repetitive and she felt bored out of her mind.
Finally, Vic didn’t fulfill her need for significance.
He took her for granted.
To fulfill her unmet needs for love, variety, and significance, Donna cheated on her husband.
But that’s not how you resolve conflict in a relationship.
Tip 1: Discussing needs
Instead, Donna could discuss her needs with Vic.
She would start a conversation with warmth, praising him for being a great provider for the family.
And thank him for fulfilling her need for comfort.
Next, she could ask him about his needs.
She would understand how she was fulfilling each need and how she could do better.
Then, she would explain her needs.
Love: she would want more bonding and connection.
Variety: she would want him to be more creative to make their relationship exciting.
Significance: she would want him to ask her advice more and recognize how much she’s doing for the family.
Finally, Donna would finish the conversation with warmth by praising Vic for being such a great father.
Tip 2: Love unconditionally
Donna is the one in the relationship who feels her partner doesn’t fulfill her needs, right?
Logically, she would want Vic to change first.
But this is exactly why people can’t resolve conflicts in a relationship.
They blame the partner and don’t see how they contribute to the problem.
Instead, Donna should commit to fulfilling Vic’s needs at a higher level for the next 90 days.
She would be a true giver, not expecting anything back from him.
Her unconditional love would bring out the best in Vic.
And that is how they would resolve the conflict in the relationship.
To resolve conflict in your relationship, discuss the 6 human needs with your partner.
And commit to meeting your partner’s needs at a higher level for the next 90 days.
I told you: no spoilers!
How to resolve conflict in a relationship with coaching
If you need help solving relationship problems, check out my coaching services.
I’ll fight for your marriage together with you.
I believe marriage is the best thing that happens to us in our lives.
And almost always, there’s a chance to save it.
Contact me today to create a legendary relationship.