I’ve been guilty of taking my romantic partner for granted, which led to growing apart in a relationship.
I hate to see others make the same mistake.
Today, I’ll explain how to prevent growing apart in a relationship.
Spend 4 minutes reading this post and you’ll learn what took me 10 years to realize.
If you’d rather watch a video than read, here’s the video link:
Martin and Ruth growing apart in their relationship
I’ll use Martin and Ruth as an example of what you can do to avoid growing apart.
They are two characters in the novel Martin Eden by Jack London.
Martin is a poor guy who’s an aspiring writer.
Ruth is a middle-class woman studying literature at a university.
They are in love but grow apart slowly.
TIP 1: Deep conversations
In Chapter 14, Martin and Ruth get out of the city and spend a day out in the hills.
They talk about everything.
Martin reads a few of his stories to Ruth.
It’s a perfect deep conversation.
You both share deep thoughts and take the time to listen without interrupting.
You understand and connect to your partner on such a deep level that you become very close to each other.
TIP 2: Step out of your everyday life
By riding to the hills, Martin and Ruth get out of their routine.
And they love it.
Normally, Martin sits at home writing and studying all day long.
And Ruth spends most of her time at the university or home.
So it’s a welcome break for both of them.
When we settle in our routine life, we tend to take our partner for granted.
By escaping the monotony of day-to-day life, we feel refreshed and can appreciate them more.
TIP 3: Stop your parents or friends from belittling your partner
Ruth’s parents keep telling her that Martin isn’t a good match for her.
They don’t believe in his writing ability and want him to get a job.
Ruth keeps reminding him of that.
But Martin craves understanding and support from her instead.
This causes them to grow apart in their relationship and break up.
Parents will always have doubts about your partner because they want the very best for their child.
And reasons for criticism are always available.
For example, if your partner is good at making money, they’ll say he isn’t affectionate enough.
That’s why you have to draw a line with your parents or friends.
Explain to them that it’s not okay to belittle your partner.
TIP 4: Avoid the silent treatment
In Chapter 39, Ruth and Martin face a serious relationship conflict, after a false report about Martin in a newspaper.
Ruth tells Martin that her parents insist on breaking the engagement.
Martin sends her a letter pleading for a reply but never gets one.
He tries to see her several times but she refuses to talk to him.
The silent treatment doesn’t work.
We assume that giving our partner the silent treatment is effective.
We hope to make them suffer and mold them into what we want them to be.
But in reality, we stab them in the heart.
Instead of appreciating them for who they are, we send this message:
“You are not enough.”
Something is wrong with you.
But it’s so counterproductive and leads to growing apart in the relationship.
Martin became bitter and fell out of love with Ruth quickly.
Other quick tips
Need more tips for improving your relationship?
Here you go:
- Create rituals or microrituals such as kissing every night.
- Find more things to do together.
- Celebrate holidays. That’s important.
- Communicate about small things so that your partner knows what you are doing all the time. When you communicate about yourself even about small things, it also opens up your partner for talking.
- Elevate the partner: acknowledge all good things about them.
- Make them feel significant.
- Don’t let kids crouch on your relationship.
- Take a few minutes during the day to appreciate your partner.
- Imagine their death.
Prevent growing apart in your relationship
If you need help stopping growing apart in your relationship, check out my coaching services.
I’ll help you break from the vicious cycle of wanting more from your partner.
You’ll find love within you and share it with your partner.
The more you’ll share it, the more love you’ll feel.
That’s how you build a legendary relationship.
Here’s a link for you to contact me.