Counseling before marriage helps you see through blind love.
Blind love might be a good thing.
But not when you are getting married.
I have an example of a married couple that came to me for coaching.
They could’ve prevented so much trouble by doing premarital counseling instead.
I also recorded a video to go with this post.
If you prefer video format, here it is:
Alex and Nina
This couple (let’s call them Alex and Nina) faced a problem about one year into their marriage.
Before marriage, they had a very vague agreement about having children.
They knew they wanted to have kids soon.
But it turned out after marriage that each had their own notion of “soon.”
Alex who was 32 thought it was already time for him to have kids.
But at 27, Nina felt they could wait a couple of years.
At that point, she had a breakthrough in her career.
Because she worked and traveled a lot, she decided to put having kids on the back burner.
Nina also wanted more financial security before having kids.
That’s how they ended up with a major disagreement.
It’s so much easier to prevent this type of disagreements with premarital counseling before engagement instead of dealing with the aftermath.
With a disagreement like that, both people go into a defensive mode because their ego hurts.
What I would’ve done with them before marriage is asking questions about marriage goals, responsibilities, finances, and children.
Like the SYMBIS assessment that stands for “Save Your Marriage Before It Starts.”
By answering those questions, they would’ve committed to their goals to each other and to me as a coach.
That would’ve created a sense of common direction.
And a sense of accountability before each other and the third person—myself.
A life coach Andrew Wuellner said:
#1 thing is making sure that their values and goals are aligned.
They need to both have a clear picture of what they want from life and what they value the most, and their two separate visions need to both complement and support each other.
Actionable tip for counseling before marriage
Getting couples counseling before a wedding is crucial.
It’s a tiny investment in a long-lasting marriage, with huge payoffs: it saves you from arguing, frustration, and hefty fees of divorce lawyers.
Talk to a coach to make strong commitments rather than vague promises.
Learn to enjoy your relationship fast
If you need counseling before marriage, talk to me about my relationship coaching services.
Here’s a link for you to contact me: Contact.