15 Actionable Examples of Unconditional Love for 2020 | Podcast Ep. #38
This is a list of actionable examples of unconditional love.
In fact, these strategies helped a life coach Kajal Pandey have a passionate relationship for 9+ years.
So if you want more love in your relationship, you’ll love her strategies and examples.
I’ve also included other actionable strategies that work really well.
Let’s get started with general strategies and then move on to more specific tips.
Here’s my interview with Kajal if you prefer listening.
For a full list of examples of unconditional love and tips, keep reading the article.
1. Get to love unconditionally by loving yourself first
You need to love yourself before you can love others unconditionally.
Louise Hay wrote:
Every problem in your life comes from not loving yourself.
Go from self-hate to self-love.
I’ve created this self-love ritual that helps me relax at the end of each day:
- taking a warm shower
- watching a positive video
- having dinner
- listening to an audiobook
By having this “me time,” I’m able to love myself (and others) more.
2. Open yourself to unconditional love by becoming happy
Think about why want a relationship in the first place.
Do you need to feel complete?
But the truth is, the other person doesn’t complete you.
They’re not responsible for your happiness.
To be happy, you need to get your life together so that you feel complete.
Then, you’ll be able to love unconditionally.
Her fear of death paralyzed Janet to the point that she was incapable of living.
She couldn’t even get out of bed in the morning.
Her husband and parents had to take care of her and the kids.
Janet’s therapist helped her see the deep reason behind her fear:
she didn’t want to be a housewife but wanted to be a counselor.
So Janet went through a training program and started a counseling practice.
As a result of finding her life purpose, she became happy.
And now she has a huge capacity for loving her husband and kids.
3. Accept the other person as they are
The reason we don’t accept our partner is having expectations.
And when they don’t meet them, we withhold love.
Kajal’s photo with a quote
Expectations erode our ability to love the other person.
I expected my ex-wife to be as efficient as I was.
I thought she wasted so much time talking to her girlfriends or watching videos.
This resulted in conflicts that ultimately led to divorce.
It took me years to realize that I was so wrong.
If I hadn’t had those expectations, we could’ve still been together.
That’s why in my recent relationships, I didn’t let my expectations get in the way.
4. Show compassion
Whenever your partner gets angry or frustrated, see it as an opportunity to practice unconditional love.
It might feel like an attack on you.
But it’s really a sign of the pain they feel inside.
So, be compassionate instead of defensive or judgmental.
Gina, a 17-year-old, acted as if she couldn’t care less about her parents.
But in reality, she was afraid that they could divorce.
Covering up how much she cared was her defense mechanism.
Her father got triggered by her attitude.
But her mother saw through it and understood the core problem.
As a result, she felt compassion for Gina.
That’s one of those examples of unconditional love allowing to see beyond the surface.
5. Keep loving your kids as they grow up
It’s easy to love kids when they’re small.
They are adorable and obedient and meet our expectations.
But as they get older, they’re likely to rebel against parents’ rules.
That’s when loving them unconditionally is a challenge.
But it’s also an opportunity to practice unconditional love (and set an example for the kids).
Veronica, a stepmother, had a lot of rules for her stepson, Michael.
Michael didn’t meet many of them.
He felt she was picking on him too much.
And she felt resentful.
This negative cycle had continued until Veronica picked the three most important issues:
- Don’t quarrel with your little sister.
- Clean up after yourself in the kitchen.
- Wake up for school by yourself.
By reducing the number of conditions, she made it possible for herself to love Michael more.
That said, let’s move along to more actionable examples of unconditional love.
6. Learn the love language of your partner
We usually give love in the way we want to receive love.
But that doesn’t mean it’s their preferred way.
Ask them how exactly they want to receive it.
Use the concept of love languages suggested by Andy Andrews in The Noticer:
- Dogs want words of affirmation.
- Cats like physical contact.
- Goldfish love deeds and favors.
- Canaries want undivided attention.
Kajal’s partner’s love language is words and affirmations.
That makes him a “dog.”
And she affirms him for everything that he does, little or small.
Plus, he likes acts of service like cleaning up after his cooking.
That makes him a “goldfish.”
7. Make an actionable list of specific things your partner likes
Knowing your partner’s love language is good.
But using this knowledge to create an actionable list is even better.
So, write down everything your partner likes and don’t worry about spontaneity.
Following this list doesn’t make your relationship inauthentic or robotic.
Practicing love is very intentional, and there has to be a thought process behind it.
Being intentional rather than spontaneous makes you feel more connected to the other.
If you know that making coffee in the morning brings him joy, why would you withhold that from him?
Such acts of care are necessary for keeping the spark alive in a relationship.
They will create romance which is crucial, according to 40% of the respondents in this survey.
- I like the way you play with my hair.
- I like the way you make me coffee in the morning.
- I feel loved when you take a book out of my hands and read it to me.
8. Listen deeply
Deep listening is intently hearing the other person instead of thinking of your response.
Affirm what your partner has just said to you so that it makes them feel seen and heard by you.
At the end of the day, we all want to feel seen and heard by our partner.
When you do so, your partner feels your unconditional love and reciprocates.
An author Stephen Covey used to take his wife for on long, 2-hour drives just for talking.
This experience was transformational for both of them.
Long conversations made it possible for them to share deep thoughts and emotions.
For instance, his wife told him about her fears as a teenager:
she had had this fear that her father would lose his business in difficult economical times.
As a result, they connected at a deeper level, making it possible to love each other unconditionally.
9. Put your partner’s needs first
According to Tony Robbins, we all have 6 human needs:
Your goal in a relationship is to help your partner meet those needs.
Otherwise, they won’t feel fulfilled or happy.
To do so, you need to put your needs first.
It’s not easy, for sure, but it has a transformational effect:
- As you make your partner’s needs a priority, you’ll feel more love toward them. That’s because the more love you give, the more of it you feel.
- And then your partner feels compelled to give you more love as well.
Nadia called her husband, Ralf, in the afternoon while he was working at the office.
She had an emotional breakdown after a fight with her mother.
Nadia asked Ralf to come home and talk to her so that she could feel his love and support.
He didn’t want to come because he was in the middle of an important project.
Yet, he knew better because his wife’s needs were a priority for him.
He sighed but went home immediately anyway.
That’s one of those inspiring examples of unconditional love—the husband putting his wife’s needs above his own.
10. Forgive and forget
Partners inevitably make mistakes in a relationship.
And then the wronged partner feels resentful.
It’s normal but if they hold on to this resentment, the relationship will deteriorate.
To avoid it, it’s important to forgive.
Forgiveness is an essential component of unconditional love.
Failing to forgive means withholding love and inflicting pain on both partners.
Sean cheated on his wife, Margot.
She felt crushed and couldn’t stand him at first.
But when she recovered a little bit, they talked.
Sean apologized profusely and told him about his pain.
She thought of all the reasons why she wanted to forgive him.
And she made an equivocal decision to forgive.
That’s one of my favorite examples of unconditional love and commitment to the relationship.
Without it, their marriage could’ve never been happy again.
11. Make it okay to be vulnerable
Your unconditional love makes it possible for your partner to share fears and concerns.
They feel safe to do that because they know that you won’t judge them.
This helps your partner open up at a deeper level.
And you strengthen the bond between you two.
Martin told his wife about his fears about the financial markets collapsing in March 2020.
He had invested a significant sum of their savings into stock a month before.
And now he was certain that his badly-timed decision would mean financial ruin for the family.
His wife supported him and told him that they would get through this together.
She never blamed him for taking a huge risk.
Instead, she was loving, caring, and accepting—a role model of true love.
12. Make it okay to tell the truth
People lie because they fear the reaction of the other person.
But with unconditional love, you can create an atmosphere of trust where telling the truth is appreciated in and of itself.
Let the other person know that you want to know the truth no matter what it is.
And if they tell the truth, you’ll never punish them for what they did.
Lilly, a teenager, didn’t communicate with her parents well.
Lying was one of her default behaviors.
In an attempt to improve communication, her parents asked her to always tell them the truth.
Ss long as she did so, they would not scold her for any of her wrongdoings.
Letting go of control was difficult for them, for sure.
But the atmosphere of trust they created paid off.
Their relationship improved and the girl’s self-awareness and self-responsibility increased.
13. Don’t feel jealous of your partner’s successes
It’s natural to feel a prick of jealousy when your partner achieves some sort of success.
You feel it because you’re scared:
Now that your partner is more successful, they might want to find someone better than you.
Loving unconditionally frees you from this type of fear.
You encourage your partner to improve and succeed instead.
You see and affirm their potential.
And whenever they succeed, you’re the first to celebrate their achievements, big or small.
Jenny and Oliver wanted to have kids after getting married.
But Jenny’s career in her fitness gym took off unexpectedly.
She got promoted from a personal trainer to a manager and then to the gym manager.
Suddenly, she was traveling to other gyms around the country all the time.
Oliver was jealous of her successes and felt lonely because she wasn’t home so often.
Plus, felt that she had broken her commitment to having kids.
He could grow resentful but chose unconditional love.
He never said a word about his resentment or jealousy.
And he made it his job to praise Jenny and celebrate all her successes.
Jenny felt so encouraged by his attitude that she offered him to be a stay-home dad—something she would’ve never brought up before.
In a year, they had their first kid.
14. Disagree in a respectful way
Disagreements between partners happen all the time.
It’s natural because people see things from their own unique perspective.
But you can love unconditionally while disagreeing.
As a result, any disagreements don’t affect your relationship.
And quite magically, one of the partners might change their initial opinion.
Because they don’t need to get defensive, they’re open to considering that other opinion.
During the outbreak of the COVID-19 virus, my father would not obey the quarantine.
He would go to a diner and a grocery store every day.
I suggested that he’d be more careful and rather stay at home.
He didn’t like it and I didn’t insist on it.
And because my suggestion was so casual and friendly, he kept thinking about it.
He didn’t feel the need to protect his ego.
And in a few days, he changed his mind.
That’s one of those examples of unconditional love that brings out the best in people.
15. Keep the lines of communication open
It’s normal to feel frustrated with your partner even when you practice unconditional love.
Unconditional love is not about never getting frustrated.
It’s more about what you do when frustration arises.
You need to let it go slowly.
Don’t shut down communication just because you feel frustrated.
Keeping the lines of communication open builds connection and trust.
Whereas giving your partner the silent treatment is detrimental to the relationship.
Heidi used to give her boyfriend, Steve, the silent treatment every time she got angry with him.
This was something she learned growing up.
Her parents always ignored her completely after she had done something wrong.
Heidi saw how she was hurting Steve and breaking trust and connection.
That’s when she committed to loving Steve unconditionally for 90 days.
Whenever she felt frustrated, she kept talking to Steve as if nothing happened.
Steve saw the shift in her and was suspicious at first.
But as time passed, he kept feeling more love from her as a result.
And he felt compelled to give even more love back.
About Kajal Pandey
Kajal is a certified transformational life coach who is passionate about people.
She guides you through the process of transformation to becoming your most empowered, aligned and free self.
She works with clients all over the world and from all walks of life.
- Website: http://www.kajalpandey.com/
- Book a coaching session: http://www.kajalpandey.com/coaching/
- YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/dearkajal/
- Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/kajalspandey/
- Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/kajalspandey/
- Facebook Community, True Self Tribe: https://www.facebook.com/groups/trueselftribe/
Get more examples of unconditional love through coaching
Your relationship can be a huge source of happiness in your life.
If it causes you pain instead, you can fix it is by practicing unconditional love.
But as you think about it’s easy to get overwhelmed.
Where do you start exactly?
Here’s where I can help you as a coach.
I’ll create a specific action plan and help you follow it.
With my support, you’ll bring passion and happiness back into your relationship.
Here’s a link for you to contact me.